How We Trick Ourselves into Love & Toxic Relationships
⚠️ This blog might be triggering or a massive eye-opener. You might agree with everything here, or you might completely disagree—that’s okay.
As an expert who has worked with many abuse survivors—both men and women—I’ve noticed one pattern…
When people are in toxic, abusive, or neglectful relationships, they often say things like:
🖤 “We’re meant to be together.”
🖤 “We are soulmates.”
🖤 “I will love him/her forever.”
🖤 “I could never live without them.”
These phrases often (but not always) indicate unhealthy attachment.
And when I ask, “What does love mean to you? How do you know this is love?”
I usually get a beautifully wrapped word salad that, when unravelled, means nothing. Just a rushed explanation trying to prove, “Yes, this is real love.”
But when I start questioning all the red flag behaviors, the defense kicks in:
🚩 “Oh, they’ve changed. They don’t do that anymore.”
🚩 “It was just a one-time thing.”
🚩 “They would never hurt me.”
🚩 “They promised me.”
Yet there’s no actual proof that any of that is true.
Instead, what’s really happening?
The person is desperately trying to believe in the fairytale they created in their head.
I’ve Been There Too.
I used to believe love meant:
💔 Getting some attention.
💔 Neglecting myself to meet someone else’s needs.
💔 Sacrificing myself just to keep the relationship going.
💔 Not complaining when things didn’t feel right.
I thought love was:
- Getting gifts (especially after they did something bad).
- Being taken to a restaurant to “make up for it.”Using physical attraction to keep them interested.
I was deep in the illusion, believing this was love.
The Hardest Truth to Accept?
Talking to people who left toxic, abusive, and neglectful relationships—people who swore they were in love—they now realise:
They weren’t in love at all.
They were in love with the illusion of love.
Admitting this to yourself? Not easy.
It takes brutal honesty to look at where things went wrong
So Why Do People Think This Is Love?
There’s a scientific explanation with fancy words, but let’s skip the jargon—I’ll give you the real-life version:
If you grew up with a lack of love, emotional or physical abuse, neglect, or strict upbringing, your brain craves any sign of being seen, accepted, and loved.
That’s when a manipulative, toxic partner slides in, making you feel like you’re getting everything you ever needed.
And just like that, you’re trapped.
💀 Then come the mind games:
❌ Gas-lighting
❌ Silent treatments
❌ Blaming you for everything
❌ Constantly questioning your reality
❌ Walking on eggshells to “keep the peace”
❌ Feeling exhausted, depressed, yet still unable to leave
Some people wake up and leave. They get help and finally attract a real, healthy, loving relationship.
Others? They keep trying to prove the illusion is real.
And that’s okay. We all have our own journey.
If You’re Reading This Thinking, “Crap, This Sounds Like Me”—Now What?
If this hit you in the gut and you’re realizing, shit, I recognize this—you’re in the perfect place.
You don’t have to figure this out alone.
📩 Reach out to me at [email protected] and let’s talk about how I can support you.
Where Am I Now?
After multiple abusive relationships, I’m now in an 8+ year loving, supportive, and safe relationship.
I don’t tell myself “we’re meant to be together” anymore.
Maybe we are. Maybe we aren’t. One of us could be gone tomorrow.
Instead of clinging to an idea of love, I live in the moment.
I don’t need a fairytale romance—especially not the one we were force-fed as women.
💡 I wanted a partner who respects me, shares similar values, and is willing to grow together.
💡 Someone I feel safe with—not someone I have to worry will throw me under the bus.
And that’s exactly what I have today.
Where Are You in Your Relationship Journey?
Are you falling blindly into love, ignoring red flags, and rushing toward the fairy-tale ending?
Or are you taking it one step at a time, eyes wide open?
Drop a comment or message me—I’d love to hear your thoughts.
