Are you eager to guide abuse survivors toward a life filled with peace, love, and meaningful connections? The journey to recovery from abuse can be challenging, often leaving both survivors and practitioners in search of effective solutions…
In this article, we delve into a profound revelation that can be a game-changer in the realm of abuse recovery. The Abusive Pattern Program, often formed in childhood, lays the foundation for abusive relationship patterns that persist throughout our lives. Read on to explore why addressing it promptly is crucial for lasting healing and transformation.
When I was on my emotional healing journey from abuse, I tried many therapies and approaches; the majority of them were only working on conscious level and only worked for a short time. Very often, it pissed me off and made me feel like this hell loop would never end. I would never have a calm nervous system, and I would never have a relationship — I would just always feel like I’m going mad and there’s no hope…
Fast forward to today – I am in a happy relationship for 7+ years and surrounded by loving friends.
You wonder how that happened?
It took me quite a few years of research, analysing myself, and working closely with abuse victims, so this discovery is a huge part of my clients’ inputs.
I have discovered that at some point in our lives, often in childhood, we create an Abusive Pattern Program in our subconscious mind that sets us off to abusive relationship patterns. It includes romantic relationships and friendships and even relationships at work.
Once this program is captured in our subconscious mind, we are set on making it a reality. It often comes with beliefs like “I am not worthy of love,” “I need to sacrifice to be loved,” “I cannot be myself to be loved,” “Love is not available for me,” and these are just a few examples that have surfaced during my practice so far.
So how does the Abusive Pattern Program affect a person when it is in action? The person will be chasing or be attracted to only people who are emotionally unavailable, have very strong abusive traits, show no respect to the other person, and are very manipulative. Often, abuse will worsen with each person, which is an especially typical pattern in romantic relationships.
You may say that people can see red flags, so how come they keep coming back to this? Simple. Even though a person recognizes the red flags, the subconscious program shuts down the logical mind and creates a blind zone until the person “wakes up” and starts wondering how this happened. The subconscious controls 95% of our mind, and the conscious is only 5%. The Abusive Pattern Program lies within the subconscious mind, while understanding red flags lies within the conscious mind. The conscious mind has no chance in this case.
That’s why conscious therapy doesn’t work effectively to stop the Abusive Pattern. It tortures people further, as they feel it gets better for a second and then slumps down again. This was my experience and the experience of many of my clients. Some have been going to therapy for 10 years with little to no improvement. I went for 7 years, and it also didn’t help much. I was terrified of relationships and being hurt again.
So what’s the way out? How can you, as a practitioner, change this?
Glad you asked.
Subconscious work is the key, but not just any work — specific work. You, as a practitioner, must focus on handling the root cause of the Abusive Pattern Program in the first session or two (proper subconscious work doesn’t take many sessions for one issue), and then move on to work with safety, self-trust, self-worth, body trauma release (clients may be referred elsewhere if the practitioner doesn’t work with the body), and mind reprogramming.
By removing the Abusive Pattern Program, the abuse cycle is ended. Even if a client decides to take a break from the healing process, you can be sure that your client won’t fall into another abusive relationship.
Does only subconscious work matter?
Of course not. Subconscious, conscious mind, and body approaches need to be mixed for the best results, but they need to follow this order: subconscious → conscious + body.
Conscious and body approaches can be adjusted as needed, and the subconscious can also rejoin later, but starting with the subconscious is crucial in my experience.
I go into depth about this in my Program “How To Work With Abuse Victims.” If you want to elevate your skills in helping abuse victims, check out more details here: https://scoachingtherapy.com/program/how-to-work-with-abuse-victims/
You can also check are you easily manipulated by your clients by taking this quiz: https://scoachingtherapy.com/quiz/are-you-easily-manipulated-by-your-clients/
I will be running a masterclass in November about this topic going deeper into detail, you can register your interest here: https://scoachingtherapy.com/register/masterclass/